Why I Care

Charles Dettman (PhD)

During my early teens I became acutely aware of a sense of existential aloneness, the recognition that each one of us is inherently separate from all others, that we can never truly know what another person is experiencing. As I emerged out of my teens into adulthood, the sense of alienation that I’d so persistently been aware of evolved into an intuitive awareness that there is some important potential in intimate relationships. Like so many of us, I had discovered even before adulthood what it feels like to be ‘in love’, and having experienced those feelings, naïve as they were, it became somehow self-evident to me that in the intimacy that’s possible between lovers, there exists a possibility to know and be known that perhaps no other human experience can offer.

It was only in my early 40s that I had such an experience for the first time, and not only did it confirm what I had so long believed to be possible, it dramatically altered the course of my life. There was, of course, much about my understanding of intimate love at that time that remained very naïve. In the years since, however, my understanding of relationships has deepened greatly, through both personal experience and intentional learning. Suffice to say that I am more convinced than ever that within intimate relationships there exists a precious and profound potential for extraordinary enrichment in the lives of lovers and, by extension, into the communities within which they are located.



In intimate relationships, as in all things, we start with what we know and what we have. The question then is simply whether we would like to aspire for something higher than what we know and have. This question underpins what I do. My passion for this field is driven not by specific expertise in any particular area of relationship dynamics, but rather by my underlying conviction that there is some deep inherent value in doing relationships better and by my desire to grow in both understanding and doing. And because of this desire and the efforts I’ve made to grow in this way, together with the skills honed during the course of my extensive professional career (see below), I’m well equipped to serve in my role as a facilitator of enhanced intimate relationships.

In terms of career background, I’m a highly-qualified professional with a PhD in the medical sciences and extensive experience across the entire scientific value chain, as well as experience in various non-profit initiatives. Following a successful career in medical research, business, and business incubation, I reached a watershed moment in 2009 in which I made the decision to entrust my future to the discovery of my soul’s wisdom. In practical terms, this has meant engaging in work that, to my mind, is targeted primarily towards the raising of human consciousness. It is this intention that I bring to my work in the field of intimate relationships.

I believe with utmost conviction in the inherent worth and beauty of every human life. We are all intentional beings, here to walk the journey of human experience – together. In the words of Ram Dass, we are all just “walking each other home”. In this sense, I see myself as a fellow traveler, a companion to those who seek to learn and grow in the area of intimate relationships, qualified simply by my willingness to pay attention to the lessons that my journey has offered, the opportunities for learning in my own experience and those of others, and in the wise counsel of qualified experts.